Friday, January 13, 2006

Time waits for no rabbit

"It's time." said the watch.

The rabbit barely twitched an ear. "What do you mean it's time?" He was sulky. "It's always time with you. You're a watch."

The rabbit and the watch had fallen out several days before, but they were both too passive aggressive to actually talk about it. Instead animosity leaked out in little comments.

"It's time." said the watch.

The rabbit had an overbite that he thought made him look edgy, "You know what?," he said to the watch, "I'm looking at your face....but I don't see your lips moving."

He was going for a Jerry Springer effect. The white fur and the twitchy nose undermined it considerably.

He imagined an audience of people gyrating to the chant of "Go ra-bbit, go ra-bbit, go ra-bbit!"

"It's time." said the watch keeping his voice even and regular. 'Regular as clockwork,' he smiled to himself.

He liked puns and wordplay of all types. Shakespeare was his hero. His only non-timekeeping hero as a matter of fact. That was quite an honour for be alongside Big Ben in the scheme of things. 'A list of the ones to watch for,' sniggered the watch.

He internalised a lot of things. He was an observer rather than a participator, having learned early on in life that if you tried to rise too far above your station you only got stamped on. (He learned this literally from an uncle who managed to get onto the wrist of a porter on the Orient Express. Quite a coup. He was all set to be the best travelled of the family, when he had a nasty slip from the wrist and ended up ground into the red persian carpet in the dining car.)

"It's time." said the watch. He enjoyed being annoying. 'An exacerbated rabbit is quite my favourite kind,' he thought as he watched the long ears twitch in irritation.

But he did have a point, actually, and it was his duty to pass on the message to the white trash (his new pet name for the rabbit). He couldn't help it if the stupid animal didn't realise it was a serious message. 'That's what happens to those who treat time with animosity,' he thought.

Rabbits were notoriously bad at keeping time and absolutely refused to wear watches. The watch shuddered. 'Thank goodness. Imagine the indignity of being worn by that nincompoop!'.

The seconds ticked by.

"It's time" intoned the watch, turning his face just a fraction more towards the rabbit to see if it was even close to realising the urgency of the hour. And the urgency of the minutes come to that.

"Let us not forget the urgency of the minutes," he couldn't resist teasing the rabbit some more.

The rabbit bit. "And let us not forget the TYRANNY of time!" he responded.
'That sanctimonious watch is going to meet with a thump in a minute....or even a second', the rabbit fumed.

And then something quite unusual happened. Something strange and new and wonderful. Nobody knows how it happened. Perhaps too many hours of Jerry Springer?

The rabbit thought he was having an out of body experience. In truth it was more of an out of personality experience. He was suddenly able to rise above his own prejudices, grumps and self-stylings to gain a terrible new thing. Perspective. He felt a little dizzy.

'Maybe I'm not the most important person in the world', the thought was staggering.
'Maybe things aren't organised especially to thwart me.'
'Maybe annoying people who keep trying to tell me things about my life are actually right.' He swayed a little under the force of that one.

He sat back and looked at the watch through new ideas.
"It's time?" he asked.

The watch had never been so unnerved.
He stuttered "Y-yes." thereby losing a fraction of a tenth of a second.

The rabbit continued, " And time isn't really a tyrant, stealing my life, limiting my options? But time is my do the things I want to do? Not tomorrow someday never? But now?" He leapt up in a eureka-y kind of way. "It's time right now! That's what you've been trying to tell me! I've been so stupid!" He grinned, and his overbite didn't look nearly so accentuated.

The watch was a rabbit caught in the headlights. The glare of revelation reflected off the rabbit's white hide.

He was totally unprepared for what happened next.

The rabbit swooped on him and before he could say 'Greenwich Mean Time' he was strapped around the rabbit's paw and hopping down the road with him.
"There's no time to waste!" the rabbit yelled out to anyone who cared to listen as he hared down the road, "There's only time to spend! Come on, watch, let's do you fancy a trip to the Orient?"

The watch fainted.


Blogger s@bd said...

omgsh - you are nothing short of brilliant adele.

seriously. i love this!

7:17 AM  

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